Traditions
by Pseudonym Powers Activate
Summary: Santana wished dearly that she could just rewind and rephrase everything she had said to her that morning. But she couldn't and now it looks like she'll be spending her first Christmas away from home, alone. "How the hell am I going to get of Rach's shit list!" Established Pezberry T for language


**Prefacing this with the fact that I have not watched Glee since the season three finale. Also yes it's early for Christmas. Sue me! It's debatable whether I'll have internet between then and now.**

* * *

_Humbug,_ thought Santana with ire and a weary chuckle. _Remind me not to sit down, that's got to be the 50th damn tack I've bent in the last 5 minutes alone. _Said tack being swiftly placed in her back pocket before palming its shiny new, unbent brethren the brunette took a moment to regain a little composure. _Rachel would be proud, I'm starting to get into the spirit of the season with festive cursing. Probably not what she had in mind, but it's a start. _If she ever got more than three strings of tinsel on the ceiling at one time before the first fell back off she'd also be happy. The irate latina's mind, however, was far too preoccupied to concentrate on the proper method for hanging tinsel. She felt far to guilty to go to the handy poster board presentation her girlfriend had prepared for her earlier as well. So she was on her own. Both figuratively and literally.

_God I've really put my fucking foot in it this time haven't I?_ A heavy sigh left her trembling lips. _Oh FUCK no, I'm so not gon gets my cry on. Not until I have Motor Mouth smiling at me again. _With a Herculean effort Santana warded off the impending tears and attacked the tinsel task she had set herself with a new enthusiasm. Intent on winning back her girlfriend's affections she took notice of everything she thought could let her down. Symmetry, color coordination, tangles, kinks, dust, tack placement, gaps, corners, posts, that little chimney thing on the rustic metal box of a fireplace. Everything and anything she thought her girlfriend would take into account to make the decorations perfect, she also took into account. After that morning she had to pull out every stop to get herself out of the dog house and off her Star's shit list.

Another monumental sigh. _Why did I do this? _She could still feel the sting of Rachel's open palm on her cheek.

Rachel was excited. No, scratch that; Rachel was _ecstatic. _It's the morning of the very first Christmas eve she'll be spending away from home. The eve of the first annual Berry-Lopez Christmas party extravaganza! She still had so much to do. An exuberant squee and a twirl later saw the grinning girl in the kitchen making a fine healthy, _vegan_ breakfast, her head in the clouds. _I've got the girl, I've got the makings of a Broadway, envy inducing career, I've got it all._

Santana was asleep. No, really; Santana was dead to the world. It's only just technically still the morning of the very first Christmas eve she'll be spending away from home. The eve of the Rachel's Christmas party. Her girlfriend was going to work her like a hound when she woke up. So with a gentle snuffle and a slight upturn to her lips, Santana rolled to her side and continued to sleep. _Yesssssssss! Rach, right there... Don- Don't stop! RACHEL!_

Shortly before the clock could chime twelve noon, 5ft of bundled up crazy Christmas energy in the guise of an eighteen year old girl, barreled through the front door of the apartment. She was weighed down with enough tinsel and tree decorations to adequately decorate the giant beanstalk. Depositing that the budding starlet scurried back down to ground level where her car was waiting with the rest of her purchases.

Meanwhile, all the sudden and _loud _commotion going on inside alerted the Latina beauty that she probably should have already been up. Hours ago. Vaulting out of bed like it had personally offended her, she raced around the bedroom getting dressed in record time. Just as she was walking out the door she paused, alarmed. _Hair! Shit, I can't rock the beehive look I've got going on... Think S think! Got it! _With that internal panic attack completed Santana jammed a Santa hat onto her bed head hair do and called it a job well done.

Moments after, the still groggy and bleary eyed caramel skinned brunette emerged from her den, and the pint sized bane of her existence flounced through the doors again. In tow this round was enough food to feed the giant who has taken up residence at the top of the newly renovated beanstalk. Santana balked. _How in hell does she think we are going to get through even a quarter of all that foo- oh right, Christmas party. Christmas party Santana, that thing that you didn't forget about in hopes she wouldn't either. Shit, kill me now. _

"Ah Santana!" Eyes narrowed playfully, while a certain Santana shifted guiltily under the stare. "Look who finally rejoined the land of the conscious, what finally woke you. No, wait: let me guess. It was me coming in wasn't it?" Several nonsensical splutterings where heard from mostly still asleep girl before she gave up and nodded meekly. _At least if I have to be pathetic for some odd reason this morning she's in a fantastic perkier-than-thou mood _thought Santana with some satisfaction. She really wasn't a morning person... Even if that "morning" fell closer to early afternoon than actual morning.

"Called it!" Shouted the afore mentioned perky brunette, not an ounce of ire present in her tone. "I can set my watch by your sleeping habits, even though they seem rather nonsensical and more happenstance than anything at first. After you've watched a particularly good movie or read a good book before you retire for the night you seem to sleep longer, I've hypothesized that this is because on a subconscious level you want to enjoy them for as long as you can. I imagine you dream about a lot of the things you've seen or read just before bed. God you're still half asleep baby, sit at the breakfast bar. I've bought you a decidedly festive caramel coffee that, if my nose is telling me the truth, has a sprinkling of nutmeg in it and one of those god awful custard snails you love so much. How you can eat them, and for breakfast no less I'll never know. But it's Christmas eve so I'm prepared to overlook that this morning." Santana's ears perked up at the words caramel coffee and by snails she was wrapped around Rachel and murmuring her undying love and affections for the woman in her arms.

"Oh I love you so much."

Rachel didn't miss a beat. "Are you talking to me or the coffee?"

"Wait until I've finished the coffee and we'll see"

_Christmas agrees with her, I don't think I've ever seen her this playful. Should I break the news now or a little later? Probably now, gives her more time to get over it and get her good mood back. I'm starting to think it wasn't such a great idea anymore. _She sat up straighter on her stool. _Bite the bullet bitch, you did this now you gotta cop the punishment you knew was a part of the bargain. What were the rewards for this again. Right, double pay. Christmas avoidance. No happy as fuck couples shoved in my face. No tinsel. My god why did she get so much tinsel?!_

"Hey Rach? Babe could you stop... uh dancing for a second and come here for a second. I've got something I need to talk to you about."

"Oooooh!" Rachel sing-songed. "Sounds serious, you haven't done anything illegal have you, I don't want to have to come down to the prison on Christmas to visit you but I'll do it." _Oh shit, she's gonna fucking kill me!_

"No." A chuckle she didn't feel was sincere sounding at all put Rachel off for a moment before the ever present megawatt smile, Christmas edition, was back in place. Santana took a deep breath and let everything out in a way very unfamiliar to her. "IshouldhavetoldyouearlierbutworkofferedmedoublepayandabiggerbonusfortheholidaysifIagreedtoworkonChristmasandIsaidyes."

Rachel for her part looked aghast and Santana felt like dirt. "I. Just what..."

"I know, I know I should have talked to you before I-"

"No you misunderstand me, I have no idea what you just said, was that Spanish again? You know I was never very good at this in high school despite my perfect attendance and attentiveness in class." A cute self disciplining smile curving her lips as she spoke.

"Oh no it wasn't Spanish. No Spanish. I-" _suck it up Lopez, man up. _"I'm working tomorrow, eight hour shift. Double pay and yeah." She finished rather lamely at her girlfriend's crestfallen countenance.

"You have to work." It was more a heartbreaking statement than a question. "What will I do for the party tomorrow without you, when will we exchange gifts and what about Christmas lunch." Most of the last sentence was merely muttered to herself but Santana caught every guilt evoking word.

"Yeah, I have to work, I'm sorry babe, they offered me the shift and explained how good the pay would be and how good it would look in my file and I couldn't refuse. You don't need me to have a good Christmas either, I hate all this decorating shit anyway." A blatant lie.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Each subsequent wait held more venom and force behind it until Rachel looked ready to tear her girlfriend a new one. "You mean to say you had a choice about whether you wanted to spend Christmas with me and you declined!? You decided it was best that you spend it at WORK! For a few extra dollars in the bank!? You're a model employee and you know this so I don't buy the "it'll look good in my file" line, is the prospect of spending the holiday with me so daunting that you had to escape?"

A flaw is Santana's psyche is that when confronted with aggression she responds in kind, with no thought or regards to what she says. So the next words out of her mouth were devastated for both parties to hear, for Rachel because she didn't know better and for Santana because she did.

"Yes! There, you happy?! I've been dreading spending this Christmas with you and looking for a way around it and when work offered it up on a silver platter I jumped on the fucking chance and took it. They didn't even offer it to me at first, I overheard them asking someone else in the back room and I _volunteered_ myself before the poor fuck had the chance to respond." Santana winced, _that was a low blow, even for me._

Rachel had no such qualms, tears streaking down her cheeks, at delivering such blows. Hers, however, where nowhere near as low as Santana's. Santana winced again, the echo from Rachel's palm biting the tender flesh of the Latina's cheek resounding throughout the apartment for a comically long time. The fire that bloomed in Santana's face was ironically enough to cool her off and her expression turned horrified as she realized for the first time exactly how her words had been received by her girlfriend. Rachel for her part was glaring at her hand like it had done her a disservice, the gravity of what had been said and done falling on her and choking her with emotion.

"I.. I gotta-"

"Rach, wait!"

"Tinsel!"

Santana glumly stared at the pile of tinsel that used to be her couch and muttered. "Don't you think we have enough?"

* * *

True to her word Rachel was out shopping for more tinsel. Preoccupied and unaware she was purchasing enough to decorate her old high school in its entirety. Her deed done she sat her overcrowded car, alone, and thought about everything that had happened that morning.

* * *

Tearing the stupid Santa hat off her head, Santana started pacing furiously. All the while muttering to herself. "Why did I say that? I mean I meant it, of course I meant it. But not in that way, I love Rachel, crazy but true. She's the only good thing I have going for me in my life right now. I just hoped she'd understand I meant the holiday with her... meaning without Abuela, it'll be the first Christmas I'll have ever spent without her and I just don't know any other way." Tugging on her already sleep tangled locks she let the tears fall without abandon. "All those little traditions that Rachel has been talking about, all the ones I've already seen since Tuesday. I want that with her, but how do I forget or go around the ones me and Abuela had? Shit... Fuck.. Shit Rach was so pissed at me and it gets dark pretty early, will she get back before night fall? I don't really know how to light that menorah thing of hers." She walked over to stand in front of it and pondered it. "I use the raised one to light the next candle of the lowered eight and let it burn there for at least thirty minutes? That _sounds _right. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that."

For the next thirty minutes Santana paced and worried and just about wore a track in the floor boards until she halted suddenly. "I have to fix this. Now, and quickly." Since she was meaning Rachel's anger at her and not just the work situation it provoked a little more thought that just making a phone call. More planning to be done. The phone call though was the perfect place to start.

Her boss picked up on the second ring and answered with a gruff "Speak" _Great people skills there, big guy._

"Hello, sir, this is Santana Lopez speaking. I was just calling to offer my most sincere apology, I regretfully have to ask you to fill the shift tomorrow on Christmas with a different employee as I now have a way of spending it with my family, where previously I did not." _Bullshit, but he doesn't have to know._ Eyes closed in anticipation and lips mouthed please with reverent repetition.

"I'm afraid that is very unfortunate Ms Lopez, I heard you were so keen to take the shift last week and everyone else has already taken leave. I can't let you have the shift off tomorrow." His tone was mocking and superior causing chocolate eyes to blaze.

"Sir, I'm sorry but you seem to have misunderstood me. I'm not working the shift tomorrow, I have the chance to spend the day with my amazing girlfriend and nothing, _nothing_ will stop me from doing just that."

"Well, that _is_ a pity then isn't it Miss Lopez. Rest assured, if you fail to be in the office at eight am _sharp_ tomorrow morning that your services shan't be needed at any point again in the future, near or far. I hope you can live with whichever decision you make and that you have a very, merry Christmas indeed." With all the charm of an eel, Santana's boss hung up the phone without waiting for a response. Just as well because some very choice words chose that exact moment to leave her lips.

_I'll look for a new job after Hanukkah. I hated that one anyway._ With that out of the way Santana got right down to what she dubbed Quest Kiss Ass. She loved her tiny Broadway Diva, and wasn't about to let some stupid miscommunication be the end to their story. _When the fuck did I get so whipped._

The nuance of when wasn't important. What was, was that yes Santana Lopez, bad ass who just told off her boss and quit her job was whipped.

* * *

The apartment was rockin'! _If one of those candles on the menorah catch a piece of tinsel on fire were doomed. Do we even HAVE a ceiling? I forgot what it looks under all this fagged-up fan fair. Kinda pretty though. Over the top, without a doubt. But pretty. _

Standing in the center of the living room, with her hands on her hips, Santana surveyed her handy work. She'd spend just over three hours putting tinsel in every corner she could reach and even those she couldn't. Even she couldn't say honestly that the sight didn't bring a smile to her face. Spying the currently unadorned tree sitting majestically in the corner beside the fireplace she set about planning its demise. Decorative demise of course. Rachel would finish her off should she tamper in any negative fashion. _Thank god Puck got the tree in here yesterday, if I had to go down and figure this one out I'd be hopeless. _The next ninety minutes were filled with more of the same from the last three hours. Tinsel wrapped around tinsel, wrapped around tinsel, wrapped around a glorious piece of nature. Baubles and trinkets and stockings were added in color coordination and symmetry until all that was left to do was place the again, over the top star to the top branch. _Of course it's a star. It's Rachel were talking about here. _The smile that put on her delicate features could brighten any room and she decided to let Rachel have the honor of putting the star on the top of the tree. The fact that the tree was at least seven foot was again, a nuance.

Less than an hour of sunlight was left at a guess and Santana was beginning to worry that Rachel had maybe decided to spend the night at Blaine and Kurt's. _Oh fuck, I didn't hurt her that bad did I? Think about what you yelled at her you tit! Of course you hurt her that bad!_ With that comforting thought the last on her mind she set about making extra preparations to prove her sincere feelings of regret about what had been said and done that morning.

Christmas music was wafting through the house, along with the delicate aroma of gingerbread baking. Santana felt a little ridiculous but she poured herself into her decidedly sexy elf costume that matched Rachel's (who has had her's for years).

As the sun set with still no sign of her girlfriend, Santana heaved a great sigh and set about lighting the menorah appropriately. _She may not be here but she'll appreciate my concerns about carrying out her traditions._ With that done, the ginger bread cooling and all the decorating finished to her best efforts, Santana settled herself on the unearthed couch and started the wait for Rachel. It wasn't long before the day caught up with her and she fell into a restless sleep clutching the tree topper star to her chest.

* * *

Rachel had spent the day aimlessly wandering through Central Park taking in all the families and couples enjoying the festivities of the season with one another. Growing more dejected by the minute. She couldn't understand why Santana wouldn't want to spend the holiday with her, Christmas was the holiday that she herself actually celebrated and so far she had seemed more interested in everything Hanukkah then anything.

Hours went by and soon her anger had dissipated, leaving a hollow feeling settling into her chest. she contemplated staying at Kurt's for the night but quickly dissuaded herself from that idea. Those two boys were disgustingly cute when your in a good mood, even to her, and she didn't want to ruin their evening with her girl troubles. She decided to give Santana the benefit of the doubt and let her have the chance to try and dig herself out of the hole she so energetically jumped into. The brunette sighed deeply and wearily started the trek back home.

Upon entering the apartment Rachel was met with a sight she never in her wildest daydreams thought she'd come back to. The tinsel was put up on the ceiling looking better than she had thought it would, and with her meticulous planning that her girlfriend had obviously not been privy to it was going to look good. The tree was glowing a soft light from simple battery powered tea lights hidden in branches, tinsel woven magnificently through and around branches creating an enchanting web of color. Baubles hung here and there adding to the effect. Rachel could smell freshly cooked gingerbread and it smelt heavenly, coupled with the auditory pleasure of the gentle strains of a Christmas song coming through the speakers in the corner of the room. Looking about Rachel spotted her menorah and felt grief that she'd missed upholding one of her families earliest traditions, until she saw the almost absent glow emanating from the stand. Crossing the room to stand before the waning warmth Rachel felt overwhelmed from all the gestures her girlfriend had prepared for her in the few short hours since she'd stormed out. This one especially touched her so deep, and she felt tears start to lazily trace patterns of adoration for the sleeping Latina behind her down her cheeks. Turning to find her girlfriend she couldn't hold back the laughter that bubbled up in her throat. Sleeping more deeply now, the brunette in question had tucked her legs up under herself and the star she had been holding was now in danger of taking out her right eye. Light breathing could be heard from her direction accompanied by the occasional shuffle of movement as she repositioned herself.

Rachel had already decided upon her first steps into the apartment that she was going to forgive the other girl but making her sweat for a little was all in fair play. It was is this spirit that she grimly barked out "Santana!" and made no effort to cover the fact that she had recently been crying. Santana didn't have to know it had been from absolute joy over her display of love and apology that had already been accepted.

Rachel's disgruntled voice brought Santana to her feet in a panic as if the hounds of hell were on her heals. Spinning wildly in a tight circle she seemed to still be half sleeping as she all but shouted in fright.

"FUCK! Is the fag fair on fire?"

Rachel didn't stand a chance, at the non sequitur she lost what little composure she had and burst out laughing. More tears streaming unbidden down her face.

At the sudden laughter Santana fully awoke and regained control of her thoughts and which she shared with the general populace. "Oh god, Rach." Rushing to give the still laughing woman a brief, but heartfelt hug she continued. "I'm so sorry, so deeply, deeply sorry for what I said to you this morning. Not for what I said, but the way I said it. I didn't mean that I couldn't stand a Christmas just with you, I meant that I don't know how to go about Christmas without Abuela. It'll be the first I'll have spent without her and she was such a monumental part of my life, I love and respect her so much. All of those traditions you've gushed about that you had with your dad's, all of mine were with Abuela and I don't know if I'll ever have them back the same way again. It's just... Hard." Watching her girlfriend deflate with those last few words in particular she suddenly understood it all. Even the sudden love of Hanukkah; It is something so foreign in comparison to Christmas that it doesn't remind her of the traditions she's been forcibly removed from.

Tears of sorrow this time poured from her eyes as Rachel gathered up her despondent girlfriend.

* * *

Years later Rachel would recount the disastrous events of their very first Christmas together as a couple to the children. It became one of their own traditions. When this happened Santana would blush and start bribing them all with candy canes and promises to see the pictures of Aunty Rachel/Mum in the elf costume she's famous for at Christmas.

Later, when the children were all asleep and blessedly quiet another one of their Christmas traditions would take place.

"If you don't stop telling them that story of how I lost my man card and became your bitch, I'm going to do something about it." Santana would threaten each year with her wife's response never differing save for the delivery.

"You say that every year, and every year you do something about it. Maybe you should start using a different method, I think I might see your current one as a reward."

A deep growl and girlish giggle would then linger in the night as Santana would show Rachel just how rewarding her methods were.

* * *

**What do you think guys? I'm really rather pleased with how this one turned out. I wrote it last Christmas and just never got around to posting it. There's a second part that I need to polish but it should be up pretty soon.  
**

**I know it's early but I hope you all have a very merry Christmas and a marvelously happy new year!**


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